


Out Loud

by thewishingdragon



Series: Songfics [4]
Category: Heathers (1988), Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Ghost Heather Chandler
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-03
Updated: 2018-06-03
Packaged: 2019-05-17 13:42:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14833341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thewishingdragon/pseuds/thewishingdragon
Summary: This fic is loosely based on the song Out Loud by Gabbie Hanna.Enjoy!





	Out Loud

“I loved you, you know.”

_Ignore it. It’s not real._

Veronica continued washing the dishes, pretending she couldn’t hear the apparition floating next to her.

The voice was cool, calm. Unbothered by Veronica’s lack of response. “I never said anything, but I wish I had. Maybe then you wouldn’t have left me, and maybe you wouldn’t have ended up with the school shooter.”

_Not real. She’s not real. Don’t look, don’t listen, don’t respond._

“Why aren’t you saying anything?”

_She’s not real. Ignore her. None of what she’s saying is true._

“Veronica, I know you can see me.”

“You’re not real,” Veronica scowled. “You’re just a figment of my imagination.”

The image of Heather blinked, then frowned. “What makes you think I’m not real?”

Veronica sighed. “Ghosts aren’t real. You’re not really here. You’re just a hallucination. Something I made up to deal with my guilt. Or maybe to punish myself. I’m not sure which.”

“Well, if I’m here to make you deal with your guilt, then why would I tell you I love you?”

“You know what I want to hear.” Veronica’s voice was strained, like she was fighting back tears. “I wanted you to love me, so you do. It’s as simple as that.”

Heather reached out towards her, perhaps to offer comfort, but pulled her hand back as it passed through Veronica’s shoulder.

“I’m real. I know you don’t think I am, but I’m real. I don’t know how to prove it to you that I’m not just some figment of your imagination here to torture you.”

Veronica sighed. It had been like this for a long time. Heather hadn’t left her side since her death, and over the past several years, Veronica had tried to get used to it. Heather’s presence had stopped being a comfort a long time ago, yet she never faded from Veronica’s view. She was always there, filling the quiet when Veronica couldn’t.

It hurt. It was agony to wake up every morning to the face of a girl whose life she’d stolen with a careless mistake. She sometimes wondered if Heather was telling the truth, if she really was real.

She wondered which answer would hurt worse.

The worst part was, she couldn’t tell anyone about it. Nobody else could hear or see her, so Veronica couldn’t talk about the phantom that drifted in and out of her periphery, saying things that made Veronica’s heart seize painfully in her chest. Things the real Heather Chandler never would have said to her. She hated the part of herself that wished it was real. The part that wished that Heather could have actually loved her at one point. The part of her that wished that this version of Heather, the one haunting her every waking moment, was the real one. She hated that foolish, selfish spark of hope that wanted Heather to really be there with her.

Sometimes, she would forget. They would be sitting together on the couch, watching TV together, and Heather would laugh, and Veronica would forget everything and turn to look at Heather’s smiling face, only to see the translucent face of a dead teenager, drain cleaner dripping from the side of her mouth, and she’d be consumed with guilt once again. Or she’d be lying in bed, half asleep, and in the low light of the early morning, she would reach out to pull Heather closer to her, only to be disappointed when, rather than the comforting warmth of another person, her hand only met air.

She didn’t know what to do. She wanted to move on, to dispel the image and be free from Heather’s haunting presence, but she didn’t know how.

She didn’t think she deserved to move on.

“Veronica? Talk to me, please.”

Veronica grimaced. She couldn’t bear hearing Heather’s pleading tone. “Sorry. I got lost in thought.”

“Must have been interesting.”

Veronica scoffed. “Mostly painful, actually.”

Heather reached out, and this time she didn’t pull away. “What’s wrong?”

“I… there’s this part of me that wants you to be real. I want… I want for you to be here with me. I hate the quiet. But I can’t… I can’t undo what I’ve done, and I can’t make this okay. I can’t bring you back.”

Heather smiled sadly. “I know. I wish I had done a lot of things differently, too. You’re lucky, though. You get to learn from your mistakes. I’m stuck like this forever. I’ll never age, and I’m pretty sure I’m stuck with you for a while, so I kind of have to watch you go on with your life.”

“Sorry.”

Heather shrugged. “I’m not mad. I moved on. You haven’t, though, have you?”

“I guess not.”

“You should.” Heather looked away, her expression turning wistful. “I won’t get to live my life, but you can. I’d… like to request something, actually.”

Veronica smiled. “Go for it.”

“Live your life. I know you feel guilty about what happened, so think of this as penance. I don’t want you to give up on your life just because mine ended too early. I want… I want you to experience the things I won’t get to. Kiss some pretty girls, travel to new places, try new foods and shit. Just… live, okay?”

Veronica nodded. “Okay. I’ll do my best.”

Heather smiled. “Good.”

And suddenly, she was gone.

Veronica blinked. Once. Twice. Three times.

She scanned the room, but found no apparition hanging around.

She searched the apartment, calling out for Heather, but she found nothing.

She was alone. Truly and unmistakably alone.

Heather had moved on. Or perhaps Veronica had finally let go.

She wasn’t sure which answer she preferred.

**Author's Note:**

> Leave a comment if you like! I love hearing what you think! And if you want, feel free to send me an ask on tumblr at shanes-scribbles!


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